The Funny Lies I Tell Myself to Excuse My Terrible Joke Writing

Every comedy writer has that moment where they stare at their computer screen, cringing at the sheer horror of their latest comedic attempt. It’s almost like witnessing a very strange car accident. You want to look away, but you’re too fascinated by the cost of humor. Let’s be honest: every joke is just a clever riddle asking for a punchline, and mine often come with a side of crickets. But since we live in this vast, weird universe, here are 11 funny mantras I tell myself to embrace the chaos of imperfect comedy writing. After all, if I have to suffer through my own jokes, I might as well have a laugh about it!

1. “If It’s Not Funny, At Least It’s Original!”

This is a classic comforting mantra—closely related to “any press is good press.” Look, if my joke bombs so hard it shakes the earth beneath us, at least nobody can say they’ve heard it before! Originality is key in comedy, right? Sure, I might get a few raised eyebrows and pitying laughs, but think of all the uncharted territory I’m exploring. Who knew that overused puns could really shine brightly when they’re painfully awkward? Like a rare species that nobody wants to see.

2. “At Least I Made Myself Laugh…”

And that’s what really matters, isn’t it? If I can get even a snicker out of my own amazing, but totally misunderstood wit, I count that as a victory. It’s like throwing a party for one. Sure, nobody else came, but the snacks are delicious, and the music is exactly to my liking. Who needs an audience when you can entertain yourself? Besides, my cat, Mr. Whiskers, certainly appreciates my efforts. He might not laugh, but he gives me that judgmental stare that says, “You tried, buddy.”

3. “Comedy Is Subjective—No One Has to Get It!”

Ah, the age-old excuse: “Comedy is subjective.” This can be applied to pretty much every questionable joke I whip up. If someone doesn’t laugh at my brilliant take on existential dread through the lens of a banana peel, that’s their problem! Clearly, I’m on another wavelength—one where the laughter is contagious, and everyone is confused. If I can convince myself that my audience needs to evolve to appreciate my genius, I’m golden! Anyone can enjoy a classic set-up and punchline… but it takes a true connoisseur to appreciate the nuances of a gag about potatoes wielding swords.

4. “Every Joke is Practice for the Next One”

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Also, if I tell a poorly constructed joke in front of my cat and he yawns, does it count as practice? Yes! Like a comedian’s training wheels, every disastrous joke gets me one step closer to the elusive art of comedic brilliance. Sure, my current repertoire resembles a toddler’s finger painting, but with enough persistence, I’ll eventually dabble in Picasso levels of punchlines. Or at least stick figures, but hey…

5. “When in Doubt, Blame the Audience!”

It’s like blaming the GPS for taking you on a detour when you mistakenly thought you were going to the scenic route. If your audience isn’t laughing at your genius, clearly they don’t understand highbrow humor… or perhaps they just need an ironic detour through the realm of self-deprecating quips. The problem isn’t my impeccable timing; it’s their lack of sophisticated taste! I mean, who doesn’t find whimsy in awkward puns about spoons and existential crises? It’s practically Shakespeare!

6. “That Bombed? I Call It Subtle Social Commentary”

Ever had a joke that completely flopped? Oh, the agony! But wait—I can totally flip that script. Just because nobody laughed doesn’t mean I’m a walking joke graveyard. Nah, this is just the height of cleverness—an artful embodiment of societal issues. “Why did the chicken cross the road?” becomes a philosophical commentary on the struggles of avian life in a capitalist society. If I add a sprinkle of existential dread and a hint of irony, it’s practically avant-garde! Take that, stand-up comedy!

7. “I’m Just Testing the Waters; Go Big or Go Home!”

They say fortune favors the bold—and by “they,” I mean the motivational poster hanging in my home office. Sure, I may be throwing out jokes that even crickets refuse to chirp at, but I’m boldly diving into the absurd abyss! Writing comedy is a high-stakes game, and my puns are akin to throwing spaghetti against the fridge to see what sticks. If it doesn’t stick, I just have a messy kitchen and a wild grasp of the art of slinging humor everywhere!

8. “People Fear What They Don’t Understand, and I’m a Comedy Wizard”

No one gets me, and that’s precisely what makes me a comedy wizard! With my eccentric wordplay and magical punchlines, I’m the mysterious sorcerer of silliness, casting spells that even Shakespeare would envy. My audience is likely to fear what they don’t understand, and who could blame them? A joke about a talking fish might not land with every audience, but they will clap at the sheer audacity of it! So, hear me roar—or, uh, awkwardly flail my arms in an attempt to conjure laughter!

9. “They’ll Laugh Eventually; I Just Need to Lie Low Like a Lame Goose for Now”

Alright, maybe it’s not happening today, tomorrow, or even next Tuesday, but someday, someone is going to realize the brilliance behind my varied rants about food and its relationship with the cosmos. It’s like letting a fine wine breathe. At first, it might just taste like vinegar, but with enough time, one can hope someone is bound to get it! Until then, I’ll happily lay low like an awkward goose, honking out jokes that might leave my audience scratching their heads instead of rolling in laughter. Time to let comedy marinate; the flavors will surprise everyone someday!

10. “It’s Not About the Laughs; It’s About the Process”

Ah, the age-old trope of appreciating the journey over the destination. Sure, I’m here trying to process the existential value of why socks always go missing in the dryer, but the friends I’m making along the way cannot be overlooked! Nothing says comedy like sitting in a coffee shop with fellow frustrated writers, swapping horror stories of performance flops and sharing a collective eye-roll. I embrace each painful pun and cringeworthy joke like a badge of honor! Our therapy sessions make nurturing our twisted sense of humor worth every awkward moment.

11. “What Doesn’t Kill Me Makes Me Funnier… Eventually”

Last, but certainly not least, I cling to the age-old adage like a child holding onto a big, fluffy teddy bear. Sure, bomb jokes hurt worse than accidentally stepping on a LEGO, but each painful experience builds character—and maybe a stronger comedic voice! What doesn’t kill my spirit makes my words sharper, and one day, I promise you, my arsenal of “tell them I didn’t tell them that” humor will pay off! Until then, I’ll keep throwing spaghetti at the wall and hope it starts sticking because let’s be real: there’s a lot of wall to cover!

In conclusion, dear reader (and potential therapist), remember that pursuing comedy is a brave but perilous journey, akin to tightrope walking while simultaneously juggler apples, chainsaws, and one confused raccoon. Embracing imperfection in writing might be the best way to release hilarious, weird content into the world. Sure, my jokes may not always be gold, but with enough practice (and perhaps a couple of good fibs), I’ll keep shimmying my way through the world of humor, armed with the funny lies I tell myself. Now where did I put my socks…?