The Funny Lies Comedians Tell Themselves to Cope with Bombing

Every comedian has faced it—the dreaded bomb. It’s like showing up at a costume party dressed as your favorite superhero, only to find out it’s actually a funeral. You’re not fitting in, and the laughter of your dreams is replaced by the sound of crickets (and perhaps that one guy in the back who thinks you’re actually doing improv, bless his heart). But fear not, for in the realm of stand-up, we have a unique skill: the ability to spin a good yarn, even if it’s about how we cope with failure. Here are eleven hilarious myths that comics tell themselves to cope with those imperfect sets.

1. “They Just Don’t Get My Humor”

Ah, the classic go-to. If the audience isn’t rolling on the floor laughing, it’s clearly their fault, right? You know, the four people sitting in front of you are just not enlightened enough to grasp your genius. Maybe you’re just too advanced for the average, uncultured masses. Who knows? It’s a tough job! You’re like a stand-up philosopher, and not everyone can appreciate the rare blend of highbrow and lowbrow humor you’re throwing at them. They’re not laughing because you left your punchline in another dimension.

2. “This Venue is Cursed”

When a set goes awry, blame the voodoo practitioner who obviously placed a hex on the mic. It couldn’t be that the audience was just not feeling you; no, it must be the poor acoustics or the weird energy radiating from the weird statue of a raccoon in the corner of the bar. This place has a dark history; a tragedy took place involving a clown, which resulted in a curse that haunts every comic who dares take the stage. Next time you bomb, just remember that it’s not you—it’s the spooky part-time ghost looming over your jokes.

3. “I Was Just Testing New Material”

This is the equivalent of saying, “I meant to do that!” I mean, sure, you may have a notebook filled with notes and scribbles, but the truth is, you were probably just making stuff up on the spot. But when it goes south, this myth provides sweet solace. “Oh, this? It’s just me testing the waters! I’m a pioneer of comedy! A mad scientist of humor; these are experiments!” Sure, hun. Maybe leave the gas mask behind next time.

4. “This Crowd is Dead”

Let’s face it: some audiences do resemble a slab of steak—looking lifeless and not at all responding to your impeccable wit. When your jokes are met with silence, it’s easy to blame the crowd’s lack of enthusiasm. Who knew all these people would rather stare at their phones instead of indulging in their comedy buffet? It’s always comforting to think that the problem lies in the audience, not in your questionable choices in humor. Clearly, they’re the ones missing out on greatness!

5. “I’m Practicing My Anti-Humor Routine”

Here’s where a comic’s rationalization turns into an act of sheer dedication. Instead of admitting failure, you climb into your mental time capsule and come out saying, “Hey, I’m just avant-garde, man!” You’re not missing the mark; you’re expanding the definition of comedy! Remember, your silence speaks volumes, possibly even chapters. Who needs laughter when you could leave the audience pondering the existential value of humor itself?

6. “My Jokes are Too Smart for Them”

That moment when you drop a joke about quantum physics amidst a crowd of beer-drinking barflies is priceless. You can’t help but feel like a courtroom judge delivering a verdict to an audience of kindergarteners. “Just wait until they graduate!” you convince yourself as they shuffle awkwardly in their seats, not grasping the relativity in your setup. Who knew relativity would also apply to punchlines? Don’t worry; one day they’ll look back and say, “Ah! Now we get it!” Probably on their deathbeds, but still.

7. “Sure, My Set was an Epic Fail, But at Least I Look Good”

Everything else may be crumbling, but hey, you’ve got great hair tonight! When the jokes don’t land, double down on the “at least I’m hot” self-talk. Your ensemble may be killer, commanding respect from passersby, even as the audience stares at you like you’re an alien. “What’s that? My stellar shirt deserves credit?” The audience won’t know what to do! A new fashion trend is born: “The Flop Look!”

8. “I’m Just Preparing for My Netflix Special”

If you’re drowning, why not make it a grand splash? Embrace the awful set by calling it “practice” for your future Netflix special that will **definitely** happen. One day, they’ll take notice of your bomb-worthy sets—proving that sometimes setting the bar low is a strategy worth adopting. “I’ll be leaving audiences puzzled for years to come,” you’ll say, sporting a smug grin as you rewatch your unfortunate set with popcorn.

9. “Everyone Bombs Sometimes”

This is a universal truth that comedians cling to like a lifebuoy in a sea of awkward stares. Yes, even the comedians you idolize had their fair share of flops; the greats have bombed, right? That’s what you’ll tell yourself while reciting the list of big-name comedians who have valiantly faced the crowd (and lost). It’s a rite of passage, a sacred ceremony that proves you’re on the right path! You’re bound to become the next comedy icon—or at least someone who can share an awkward laugh over their stories.

10. “Tomorrow Will Be Better”

Nothing comforts a bruised ego like a promise of a brighter future. After a bad set, you stand in front of the mirror and deliver an inspirational monologue. “Today was just a warm-up,” you declare—an incantation for the cosmic joke gods. You can almost hear them chuckle in agreement. “Tomorrow, I will rise like a phoenix, turning cringe into comedy gold!” And you just might, although you may have to ensure your jokes don’t go on a trajectory toward self-destruction again.

11. “It’s All Part of the Journey”

Let’s end this with the grand finale, an often-cited myth that brings grand meaning to the madness. No matter how many bombs you drop, it’s *always* about the journey, right? As long as you’re learning something, then everything is perfectly imperfect, and frankly, who wouldn’t want to put a philosophical spin on bombing at an open mic? All those cringes you felt were just stepping stones on your road to comedic greatness— or at least a career in motivational speaking. Nothing says “life coach” like failing dramatically on stage!

At the end of the day, we all know that incorporating humor into our setbacks and failures is a coping mechanism that every comedian develops. With every cringe-worthy moment, we grow a little tougher, a little funnier, and a whole lot more relatable. So, the next time you’re staring into the abyss of an audience that clearly isn’t in on the joke, just remind yourself: while this may not be the laugh fest you envisioned, at least you’ll have a handful of absurd myths to chat about with fellow comedians later. And who doesn’t love a good comedy horror story?

So here’s to the struggles, the awkward sets, and the unintentional self-reflections. May our bombs be plentiful and our laughs be hearty! Until next time, keep embracing those imperfect sets, because someday, you might just spin it into a Netflix special that garners respect—or at the very least a nostalgic chuckle years down the line.