Annoying Habits Every Audience Wishes Comedians Would Stop

Have you ever attended a comedy show, blissfully ready to belly-laugh until your stomach starts doing somersaults? Then suddenly, your laughter transforms into a quiet resignation, much like you just witnessed a very public breakup at a wedding — awkward, uncomfortable, and you’re not quite sure how to look away? Yeah, that’s when you realize the comedian is messing up big time. Lucky for you, we have unearthed the ancient wisdom of audience members, which they’ve carefully hidden away in the deep dark corners of their collective subconscious. Brace yourself for 13 friendly suggestions directly from your audience that can help comedians elevate their acts to a level that doesn’t involve strategic maintenance of eye contact with the floor. Spoiler: most of them aren’t about tapping into ancient comedic powers or summoning the ghost of George Carlin. Instead, they’re practical yet side-splitting reminders of what your audience really wishes you’d stop doing.

1. Stop Using Outdated References

Nothing says “I’m stuck in a time warp” like making references to floppy disks or dial-up internet connections. When you describe your last relationship like it was a game of Pong, audiences start questioning your relevance. Trust me; no one wants to hear about how you “still use MySpace” to promote your gigs. Instead, throw in some relatable pop culture nuggets from this century. So, unless you’re actually telling jokes in a retirement home, you might want to steer clear of the tech references that need a historical footnote.

2. Drop the “I’m So Nervous” Routine

Let’s be real: if your jokes involve you nervously sweating like a sinner at church, the audience is probably thinking you should have stayed home binge-watching *The Office* instead of strutting onto that stage. While it can be mildly endearing when you’re just starting, if this becomes your crutch, then prepare for an audience that’s less enthused and more concerned about your physical well-being. So breathe, center yourself, and if you must ramble about your nerves, do it with laughter rather than a narration of your therapy sessions. Sneak in those personal anecdotes that highlight your growth, and all of a sudden, your self-depreciation turns from cringe into comedy gold!

3. Eliminate the Overuse of “You Know?”

Asking “you know?” after every line creates a rhythmic pattern in your set akin to a broken metronome. Comedians, please trust that no one in the audience has a secret agreement to rebut your jokes like it’s a game show. It’s not a quiz; your audience isn’t here to play ‘Fill in the Blank.’ Make a statement, let them hang on your every word—and resist the urge to make them validate you mid-punchline. Let’s face it; nobody knows. If they did, they wouldn’t be there listening to jokes about your dog’s unfortunate haircut.

4. Stop Asking “Is This Thing On?”

Unless you’ve stumbled upon the world’s worst microphone that resembles a potato, the audience can hear you loud and clear. It’s like asking your toaster if it’s warming your bread; it’s not just unnecessary, it’s a head-scratcher. It’s preferable you skip that line and plunge straight into your witty repartee. You don’t need to check in with the feedback like it’s Yelp — just be funny! Your audience came to laugh, not to conduct a sound check.

5. Move Beyond Obvious Observations

Comedy aficionados might lean back in amazement after hearing a line about how “airplanes are cramped.” But let’s face it: relatable material is a double-edged sword. You know what else is cramped? The space between your jokes and the audience’s collective eye-roll. If your material consists mainly of telling us about how “kids these days are so glued to their screens,” then the audience will naturally start to fantasize about a world where they’re glued to their own screens instead. Nope, thanks, tardy observations! Get creative and dig deep! Bonus points for not turning into the worst party guest who can’t stop complaining!

6. Quit Picking on the Front Row

The front row isn’t a buffet of comedy fodder for you to pick at like a *Supermarket Sweep* contestant — unless they’re extraordinarily asking for it. Calling someone out for looking bored when, in fact, they just had an urgent trip to the bathroom is a recipe for disaster. Be cautious; audience members are not circus animals put on display for your entertainment. They come to laugh, not to be roasted like marshmallows over an open flame. And if they happen to be giving one-word answers like someone just emerged from a catatonic state, you need to show empathy instead of making them the butt of your jokes.

7. Avoid the “I Have a Friend” Input

We get it, you’re wildly relatable. You’ve got a friend named Brenda who does the most ridiculous things. The problem? All that “my friend” setup feels like an overdue book report about a fictional character. Better yet, your audience doesn’t know Brenda! They care about their own issues, like why they decided to spend their hard-earned cash to see you instead of binge-watching cat videos on YouTube. So take a quick break from the tales of Brenda and focus on those moments that cut deep into the human experience — you’ve got material in your own life, right?

8. No One Wants a Comedy Class

If your set feels like a lecture on “How to Be Funny,” the audience is silently wishing they brought notepads for this masterclass. When you over-analyze your punchlines or dissect the mechanics of joke-building while dissecting the humor like some bizarre science project, people might as well have stayed home watching TED Talks. Remember, your act should entertain and not grab a seat over at the boring table of academia. Share your witticisms; don’t turn it into a crash course on the Cosines of Comedy!

9. Mind Your Timing on Your Callback Jokes

Callbacks are like the sprinkles on a comedy sundae — delightful when done right, but an unholy mess if they go wrong. If you’re still referencing jokes made 15 minutes ago, chances are the audience has collectively forgotten them like the password to a long-forgotten email account. When your callbacks become more of a scavenger hunt than a punchline, it’s not an impressive feat, it’s just annoying! So keep those callbacks fresh, and only revisit the snappy ones that make for great nostalgia — like reminiscing about nineties TV shows that actually matter.

10. Stop With the Audience Polls

“How many of you…” can quickly spiral into existential crises. Sorry, but no one wants to raise a hand to disclose whether they’re Team Cat or Team Dog like they’re about to break into a brawl over species superiority. If this is your go-to technique, please know that the audience isn’t interested in a referendum for laughter. Remember, they came to hear you be funny, not listen to them fumble through crowd dynamics as if they’re trying to support banter for a sitcom!

11. Resist the Urge to Acknowledge Your Bombing

Picture this: you step onto that stage, armed with an arsenal of jokes, and leave with the familiar sound of crickets chirping. Acknowledging that you’ve bombed might seem genuine, but it sounds more like you’re declaring war on your own credibility. Instead, draw attention away from that cringeworthy silence and transition to another joke, preferably something more palatable, with punchlines sweet enough to make your audience forget your previous foibles. Chill on the self-deprecation because regardless of how relatable it sounds, it truly feels like your honesty just became a harbinger of doom!

12. Don’t Be Afraid to Embrace Fails

There’s a fine line between taking yourself seriously and looking like you made a terrible mistake. Sometimes, a little self-awareness can propel you from “meh” to mythic status as you turn a flub into comedic gold. The best comedians have a knack for turning their flops into fantastically funny moments. So if you mispronounce a word, for the love of laughter please don’t just ignore it! Lean into it! Mix in a witty anecdote about how that word strikes fear into the hearts of even the bravest artists, and suddenly you’ve transformed the moment from an “uh-oh” to an “aha!”

13. Always End Strong

Above all else, please understand that how you end your set matters. Think of your closure as the explosive finish of an epic superhero movie or the climactic moment when the hot air balloon makes its ascent into the golden sunset. Leaving an audience hanging mid-punchline is like showing up to a party without any snacks — you’re going to regret it, and so will they. Remember your audience’s laughter should linger longer than that last slice of pizza that everyone bravely contemplates devouring; knowing you’ve left them satisfied is half the battle!

In conclusion, the modern comedy club is more fantasy realm than mundane reality. It’s a sacred space where laughter reigns supreme, and the audience is your adoring fans—albeit distressed, wishful ones. So take this humorous yet earnest advice from the folks who just want to enjoy a few chuckles. You have the power to transform a potentially awkward encounter into a side-splitting experience that will leave your audience clamoring for more — or at least the clamoring will drown out their shrieks of annoyance! Embrace the audience’s feedback, sprinkle in some creativity, and let’s be real—most importantly, don’t forget to end on a high note that whips the crowd into a frenzy like it’s the finale of a fireworks show. Happy laughing, my comedic compatriots!