Comedy Writing Hacks That Will Absolutely Backfire Every Time

Ever tried to take advice from someone who claimed they had a comedy writing hack that would elevate your set? Sure you have! And if you haven’t, let me just say: you’re luckier than a cat that just found the laser pointer. The following hilariously misguided tips may just help you achieve a level of comedic disaster that your fellow open-micers will never forget. So buckle up, folks, because the road to laugh-town is paved with bad intentions and questionable writing hacks.

1. The “It Worked for My Uncle” Method

Nothing says “I’m going to crush this set” quite like using a joke that your 72-year-old Uncle Frank told at Thanksgiving that left everyone awkwardly shuffling their feet. You know the one. It’s a joke that involves a chicken crossing the road and, somehow, a little too much about “the good old days.” The second you mention Uncle Frank during your set, you might as well be handing the audience a refund for their tickets.

Why? Because unless your uncle was a successful comedian or had a stand-up special lined up, what the audience really wants is a fresh take—not a delicate retelling of Thanksgiving gags. Trust me, this comic hack is like trying to make a cake out of sawdust.

2. Rely on Pop Culture from Two Decades Ago

Your audience may not find your deep-cut references to “Friends” or that one episode of “The X-Files” hysterical, but they will find an entire room turning against you faster than you can say “WTF?” While nostalgia can sometimes be a beautiful thing, trying to relive the days of dial-up internet in your punchlines will get you a glazed-over look rather than a belly laugh.

Try to think about the last time you heard someone reference a “Burn Book” from “Mean Girls.” Spoiler alert: it was probably at least a decade ago. Avoiding dated references should be tip number one on your list. So unless you’ve got a time machine hidden in your garage, leave the relics of yesteryear to the historians.

3. Invoke Your Inner Shakespeare

If you’ve ever had the urge to stand on stage and recite a four-minute soliloquy, congratulations! You’ve successfully achieved the comedy equivalent of making the audience question their life choices. Sure, Shakespeare was a genius, but comedy is all about timing and simplicity, so why not knock everyone’s socks off with confusion instead?

Incorporating way too many “thee’s” and “thou’s” into your routine will leave your audience scratching their heads like they just finished an advanced calculus problem. Unless your goal is to leave your audience more confused than a hedgehog in a bathtub, sticking to modern vernacular might actually serve you well.

4. Every Joke Must Include a Twist

Ah, the classic twist ending. Sometimes it feels like that plot twist is just around the corner, but if you implement it into every joke, you’ll find it twists right back around to the clutches of failure. Not every setup needs to lead to a shocking climax; not every punchline has to involve your dog revealing his startling past as an undercover FBI agent.

Saving the wheel for high-brow epics, folks. Comedy is all about flow. If you drop a twist ending on the audience at every turn, they’ll act like they’re doing math homework instead of enjoying a good laugh—confused and wondering why they even showed up.

5. Take Everything Too Personally

Ah, the personal anecdote—your golden ticket to comedy. But when you take every personal experience far too seriously and forget to sprinkle humor throughout the narrative, congratulations! You’ve seamlessly transformed your five-minute set into an emotional TED Talk where you share every ounce of your grief about that chipped mug you once owned. It’s relatable, sure, but how many mugs does a person need to compare their life to?

If you want a surefire way to suck the laughter out of the room, take it all too personally and drench your set in clinical depression, because that definitely won’t have every audience member desperately trying to make eye contact with anyone but you.

6. Analyze Every Joke like it’s a Math Problem

Sure, math is important. But leaning on logic and statistics while crafting jokes is the best way to suck the fun out of every punchline. Your audience doesn’t need a breakdown of the mathematical probability of them laughing at your ultra-scientific breakdown of why people love pizza jokes. What’s next? Calculating the chances of someone snorting while laughing?

Leave the number-crunching to the accountants because the only numbers you should be focusing on are the ones that keep your gig from being a total disaster.

7. Embrace Awkward Silence

If you truly wish to elevate the tension during your set, nothing hits harder than the art of awkward silence. Just pause for an excruciatingly long time after delivering a punchline. This will show the audience just how brilliant you are at fumbling over laughs! When they sit in that uncomfortable quiet, make sure you are sweating bullets on stage, because that will clearly translate into the humor you hoped for.

The silence will feel so palpable that audience members will actually start using their phones or, worse yet, whispering to each other about how they really would rather be getting boba instead of hearing your slip-up. And like that, your chances of a comeback are gone faster than your enthusiasm for ever doing stand-up again.

8. Get Political—Without Knowledge

It’s always a riot to dive into politics. Who doesn’t love a good rant on social media? But let’s tackle that subject during a comedy set without doing the scratchy legwork of research. Just dive into a commentary about issues you barely understand and lay it all out there. Nothing spells disaster like a lack of knowledge paired with passionate opinions that make people question their very existence.

While some comedians can navigate politics like a tightrope walk, you’ll likely end up diving headfirst into the audience’s ire at best, or worse, leading a debate group straight to heated arguments after the show. Remember, no one appreciates getting preached at when they just wanted to get a good laugh!

9. Mimic Other Comedians’ Styles

Everyone starts somewhere, right? Why not cut and paste your comedic identity entirely? Find a well-known comedian whose style resonates on a deep level and copy it. Sure, they say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but in comedy, pulling a fast one like that might make you the person nobody wants to see at the next open mic.

Because let’s face it—nobody wants to hear stand-up that feels like a watered-down copy of a beloved comedienne on a bad night. Developing your own comedic voice is essential unless you just want to wear their old shoes and trip over everything they ever built. So, give it a go! Hell, maybe you’ll fall flat on your face and they’ll get a good laugh from your unfortunate dedication!

10. Always Use Offensive Humor

Here’s a classic: using shock value to score laughs! The trick is to make everything as offensive as possible. If you manage to push every button and offend every single person in the audience, score! You’ve just become the king or queen of failed comedic endeavors. The louder they yell at you to get off stage, the more fame you’ll build. Right?

Something tells me those heckles aren’t the accolades you’re hoping for. Save those potential underground comedy careers for the pros who know how to navigate the fine line between edgy and dangerous.

11. The Try-Harder Method

Ever feel like your set is falling flat? Just give it another push! Lean harder into every joke; maybe it’ll work out in the end! Yell louder, move around the stage like you’re trying to catch a breeze, and wave your arms wildly like you were raised by (less talented) windmills. Eventually, the audience’s wincing will morph into laughter—right? Nothing says “I’m funny” quite like drowning the audience with a barrage of desperation.

The more you try to force laughs, the more you’ll identify their horrified faces like in “The Walking Dead.” Even the hardest of audiences will likely be utterly confused and left questioning every life choice they ever made that led to being present for your rampage.

12. Reveal an Embarrassing Secret

Everyone loves a juicy piece of gossip, especially during a comedy set! Why not share something super-secretive about yourself during your act? Unfortunate bathroom incidents? Embarrassing high school crushes? The possibilities are endless! Make sure to add unnecessary detail and revisit your last facial disease, all while grimacing in agony!

Sure, they say comedy is derived from vulnerability, but there’s a fine line between vulnerability and grim storytelling. You might just reduce your audience to outright silence, wishing they’d stuck with Netflix!

13. Use Only One-Liners… Repeatedly

If you want to really elevate the tension in your set, rely solely on one-liners. Sprint through a barrage of them as if you’re in a word marathon. That way, when no one laughs, there’s no time to sit and stew! It becomes a contest of how fast you can move through jokes without actually landing on any clever punchlines.

Plus, it allows the audience to experience a unique form of torture, akin to listening to someone attempting to set a record for the most dad jokes recited in one minute! You’d get them laughing by sheer perseverance and confusion. Bravo!

14. Insert Awkward Pauses… Dramatized!

When delivering punchlines, embrace those awkward pauses! Deliberately give everyone several moments of silence as if waiting for divine intervention while you present your biggest joke! It’s refreshing, isn’t it? Of course, if you channel your inner “dramatic pause” a little too well, you might get them more anxious than amused. But hey, if that’s the ride you’re taking folks on, who’s to stop you?

15. No Technical Setup—Just GO!

Technical setup? Who needs it! Using props, videos, or PowerPoint slides? Not you! Just walk right up to the mic with no plan! It’s the comedy equivalent of going to a formal dinner party in pajamas! There’s absolutely nothing funnier than watching an improvisational act where the act is simply “winging it” while the audience collectively cringes.

Forget about context; this is entering the realm of fly-by-night humor, where the only punchlines are the ones deafened by the sound of concern and regret echoing through the club! Enjoy the chaos as it unfolds! How quickly will your dreams of making the audience laugh devolve into a training montage of painful silence?

16. When in Doubt, Distract Them with Weird Voices

If your jokes aren’t landing, amplifying voices weirder than your deepest insecurities will always solve that problem. Transform into characters who don’t even exist or throw magical creatures into the mix! Make sure to take that inspiration from children’s cartoons rather than classic humor! Because who doesn’t want to confuse an entire audience while they’re just trying to enjoy a good set?

Eventually, they might be giggling… at you instead of with you. Let’s just hope you have a comedy insurance policy that covers quirky improv.

17. Overdo the Self-Deprecation

What better way to endear yourself to an audience than by making jokes that essentially throw yourself down the stairs for laughs? Embrace self-deprecation wholeheartedly! Make this the cornerstone of your comedy so they can all see you as the sad puppy who finds humor in misery.

But when your obsequious dynamic escalates to a point where you’re about to break, don’t expect anyone to rally around you as the hero of your own story. You may think you’re winning friends by making fun of yourself, but they’ll be left hoping for you only if you plan to adopt a cute dog.

18. Be a “Mean” Comic

Being mean can be fun! Nothing gets the crowd laughing like you tearing into them with insults and snarky remarks. If you made it a set goal to be as mean as possible, you’d either be inheriting a grateful audience or accelerating a dial tone death! Sure, some comedians can pull it off, but a good many others find themselves facing the opposing chamber of laughs, discovering that those shots may not have gone over as intended.

Don’t be surprised if they start throwing more tomatoes than applause!

19. Dive Headfirst into Family Drama

How better to connect with your audience than to recount fully retold family dramas as punchlines? They’ll be thrilled to hear about Uncle Susan’s disappointing life choices and Aunt Carol’s awkward political debates at family gatherings! Nothing steers a comedy set into disarray faster than airing out family grievances that no one else wants to hear.

Your audience may just avoid eye contact and silently wish they’d stayed home for the evening instead of listening to family whispered secrets. Save the drama for your mama and keep the set lighthearted!

20. Use Every Cringe-Worthy Cliché

Churning out tired clichés should be your go-to method! “What’s the deal with airplanes?” or “You ever notice how people…” is the fuel that transforms your set from bland to shockingly bad! Sprinkle in a few “YOLO” references, and consider it comic magic gone wrong! Audiences adore hearing overplayed phrases and every joke that somehow falls flat.

21. Overestimate Your Comedy IQ

At last, here is the advice that should come with a massive warning sticker: If you believe your confidence is the funniest part of your act, get ready for an embarrassing freefall. Overestimating your sense of timing and comic talent will push your nerves and confidence past the limit, bringing pain for everyone involved but especially for you!

By the time you’re done, the audience will liken your so-called “talent” to a poorly graded childhood art project—one that features crooked lines and a lack of coherent thought!

Conclusion

So, there you have it! If you’ve tried any of these so-called hacks, congratulations! You’re on the fast track to a comedy career that proves avoiding failure means learning from the disasters of others. Remember to embrace every moment of cringe and every failure with a smile! If anything, it’s all fodder for future comedic attempts! After all, nothing bonds people like a shared experience of suffering through epic comedic blunders.

Take these lessons to heart, stay fresh with your jokes, and perhaps bring a little Mint Comedy into your life for some humor that actually lands. And, remember, if at first, you don’t succeed, throw yourself back into the crowd and blame Uncle Frank!